Archive for February, 2010

It’s all in the planning……!

February 28, 2010

and that's just the cartoon! 

Best laid plans and all that, is one of the phrases that I have referred to least of the last couple of years. Planning to even get out from under the duvet the night before the morning of said getting out, proved a challenge. Once the plan is there, in your head, on paper, it all becomes real and you have to do it, or you’ll let someone (or yourself) down.

The turning point for me was starting to think about what I had achieved, rather than the plans I had failed. At the start of it all, I was at work fulltime, still having to live with the person who had destroyed me and taking care of a 4 year old boy, who was very confused about why Daddy was sleeping in a different room and didn’t spend any time with him. I achieved an awful lot. In fact my diary was one of the most planned diaries your will ever see. Halfway through this period we changed nannies, which for my son could have been traumatic.  I planned the whole situation with military precision. The new nanny stared the week before the existing one left, we went out for lunch, we talked about visiting and staying in touch.  Overall he coped very well, I have to say primarily down to the new nannies’ capabilities and calm approach. The day that Daddy left was very different.

I really tried hard to plan how it should happen, however got to the point where it became futile. That’s the thing with plans, if the others that have to act within it, don’t want to or are afraid of taking part – the whole thing becomes a frustrating mess.  One part of the plan I knew I had to carry out was being at the house when he left and making sure that my son wasn’t. As I said before having a wonderful, empathetic and supportive nanny made that last part east, the first part was much harder. Being physically near my said husband made me sick, proper run to the toilet , can’t control it sick. So planning to make myself be in that situation was going to be hard. However his girlfriend had already emailed across a copy of the furniture that she felt would fit with hers in their new house (yes really!) so I knew I had to ensure he left with his clothes and nothing else. She also wanted to move into the house instead of me and my son, so there was another reason to be there. Oh, and I nearly forgot, the weekend after my husband realised that it really was over, I came back to the house to find anything of any real value gone – pictures, large quantities of very good wine, bikes, digital cameras, playstation, ipods , DVD players etc etc – without even letting me know that is what he was doing – so I kinda figured that he wasn’t to be trusted. The only other plan I had, was to get the locks on the house changed as soon as he left. I knew that she would want to get into the house whenever she could and he would just turn up, as he hadn’t got what he wanted, so was bound to come back for it. Legally there is an interesting argument over whether I could actually change the locks or not, my summary of which was that it would be very difficult and costly for either side to prove their case. Therefore I felt that my sanity far outweighed the risk, so the locks were changed. I was proved right – he moved out on the Friday – on the Monday he called to ask why he couldn’t access the house with his key and why had I changed the locks?! I could use lots of * and give you the actual words he used, but it’s not worth it – I’m sure your imagination will do the rest. So my planning on that score was successful.

Having always been known as a planner and someone in charge of their life, it went downhill from there. The legal process I now found myself in was costly, painful and lengthy. Courts do not like dealing with things that are outside of their normal remit. Solicitors and barristers love it and charge accordingly. I was trying to manage a distraught child (who was just starting school for the first time),  a new job (subject of another blog) and a voracious solicitor who demanded ridiculous amounts of time, money and nastiness. Plans never worked. I woke up most nights (if I had gotten to sleep) panicking that I wouldn’t be able to manage – so I’d write down what needed to be done – get up in the morning and the list or plan would scare the life out of me, literally, so I would just put it to one side and try to function for that day alone. It was scary to be in this place where you know you are going to struggle to cope with a whole day, let alone what the next few days weeks or months could bring. Particularly as I had a child that I was now wholly responsible for. My still husband had found inevitable place as the fun Dad who played games, bought toys and went to McDonalds. He took no responsibility for anything – least said!.

So I have spent the last 2 years, not really planning anything or if I do its small, manageable and achievable – and more importantly if I don’t achieve it I laugh at my ineptitude if I do I eat some chocolate cake!

Interestingly, since I first wrote this blog, I have started working in a great job within an inspirational culture. I’m planning for England, with military precision – it’s great, I’m achieving, thriving and loving it. My duvet does not even get a consideration in the mornings, even on the weekend. What a difference 23 months and 25 days make!

I’m planning to launch very soon – this plan will definitely come to fruition. 

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Humour … its in there somewhere!

February 21, 2010

Looking back at the whole sorry sordid situation the best thing to come out of it all was laughter. I am now able to genuinely laugh at the things that happened; the comments that were made; the letters from solicitors; the accusations; the pure farce that ensued! I will readily admit that to start off with my laughter could have been defined as maniacal. I was desperate to find some humour in everything and anything  to just try and put some semblance of normality into life at that time. If you can laugh about it then it can’t be that bad, can it?

One of the first times I found something humerous in this horrendous mess, was suprisingly sat in my solicitors’ (the first one) office. She was chastising me as if I were a small child. Stating that I needed to be more agressive and take him for everything. My snivelling about being fair and protecting my son were met with derisory glances and raised eyebrows. He had done wrong and she was there to right that wrong, never mind the cost – financial or emotional. It suddenly hit me – she was relishing this, the complexity of such an unusual case and my ineptitude at dealing with it all. My insistence at prioritisng my son and not financial revenge infuriated her so she  patronised me and made me feel even more incompetent – but overall she was having fun.  My case was very unique, unusual in a court of law and she was having fun with it!  I burst out laughing. Not impressed, she continued, talking to me like an old fashioned teacher berating a child.  I realised I had to just move on, she was making things worse.  With tears streaming down my face, both laughter and hurt, I walked out and terminated my employ of her. You live and learn, but her website will not be on my list of recommendations!

Humour, I find is a great leveler. For all walks of life, colours, creeds and class. A good belly laugh has brought me out from the darkest of places. The key to it working, is making it genuine. A forced laugh is painful and the humour becomes irritating at best. People are able to convince themselves of whatever they want to believe is true, mainly to maintain a facade or protect their reputation. The wonderfulness of humour is that it removes all of that and starts everyone from the same level playing field.  I find myself laughing out loud at a lot more nowadays. In fact I did it today. Faced with my first pay packet for 13 months, I decided to try on (not buy just try) a smart work dress. Not one for dresses normally (due to awful legs, a scarred and swollen knee and large rear end) I ventured into LK Bennett. Bless the sales ladies. Straining at the seems, the lines across the front of the bright pink dress they convinced me to try resembled pre-cooked sausages which had been overstuffed. Poking out from the tight bottom were my unwaxed legs, which looked like fat tree trunks with hairy bark on them. Bright pink stilettos completed the outfit – in which I apparently looked “stunning” and “sophisticated”. My response was out loud laughter, followed by “Bless you ladies, but I look like 2 Starbursts squished on top of each other whilst sitting on a tree!” it was obviously a slow Sunday. Previously I could have been devastated by the reflection in the mirror, genuinely mortified by what I saw – but now I just smile at what I see and then laugh (followed by Starbucks and chocolate cake!). My mantra now is that I have been humiliated beyond recognition these past few years, there is nothing more that can humiliate me further.

There are parts of my story which genuinely read like a well written BBC comedy script. In fact , many times someone has said to me “You couldn’t write this!” I’ve also been told that my story would make a great Richard Curtis film – if you’re listening Mr Curtis, I’ve worked out who should take my part!! There is some proper farce. Picture a man, desperate to be attractive to someone he’s committed to as second choice,  going for pedicures and manicures, fake tans and facials prior to meeting with said someone. Now imagine a  4-year-old in all innocence commenting on why you look so orange Daddy, in front of the person he’s pretending he now doesn’t want to be with. Desperation and embarrassment written all over his face as he pulls nervously at his orange stained work shirt collar!!

Humour has gotten me through. It has also helped me support others through their challenges.  There is humour in everything, especially when there are 2 other people involved who have such incredible selfishness they can’t see past themselves, constantly stumbling into cras responses and ridiculous expectations.

Keep reading – it gets better, and funnier!!

Its been a while……!

February 20, 2010

Technology has gotten the better of me. My Blogspot blog has become defunct – someone has changed the user name and blogspot don’t want to help me (despite 5 e-mails and searching the Help section). So I have transferred to Word press, which most people have told me has more functionality and will be easier to use going forwards. I will also be able to upgrade it to a website should the book take off, then I’ll need a website!

The blogspot was really easy to set up – and is still there (as I cant’t remove it), but it is a nightmare to deal with if you have any problems. They do not want to help – or probably don’t want to encourage people to communicate with them direct. Anyway I requested a login reset to my googlemail account, but never received the email to reset it. So I’m guessing they don’t want me to carry on blogging – luckily wordpress do – so here I am.

I need to let everyone know that my blog page has changed – I am going to rely on good old-fashioned e-mail and facebook posts for that!! I’ll be back blogging as normal as soon as possible – comments and support please!

So you think you can write – but does anyone want to read it?

February 20, 2010
So back to the process. How do I get my book commercially published and more importantly will it sell?
The feedback we are getting at the moment is really positive. Most people think it would make a great film, let alone a good book. The challenge we have however is how to get it infront of a publisher who wants to publish it? That’s the challenge for the week!

I have read a considerable amount about how to get a book published and the main thread of blogs, websites and twitter is that you have to get an agent. This book has always been about my journey to making things happen myself, not relying on others to do the work. Surely having an agent defeats that objective? It is personally (and commercially) important that I do this myself and if that means challenging the status quo of the publishing world then so be it! To be fair I’ve spent most of my life challenging the norm, so why stop now?

So how to catch the eye of the publishing world and get my book on the shelves? I haven’t given up on the idea of self publication, although it is becoming a less appealing option, the more I learn about it. I am estimating that publishers must receive hundreds of scripts per day, maybe thousands in a week. So how does mine stand out. One thought was to prioritise the ones to speak to and sit it out in reception – all day if necessary, however I’m thinking that will not necessarily portray the image I am hoping for! Presenting the book as a whole concept with most of the work done for them already……? Now that could get their attention. A complete pack with existing marketing (done by me!) ; synopsis of book (by me!) ; concept going forwards i.e. further potential ; story board (my artistic talent!) ; cast list … etc etc. This I know will catch their eye and make the book into something worth taking some time from their day to look at: and infact that is all I am asking for, to give it a fair shot.

The world of publishing is very closed to an outsider. I do not think that it is deliberately as challenging to break into as I make out, however I would recommend that they make it more inviting as they could be missing out on all sorts of great stories!

So far I have a great story, a book, a means of publication (self) but a big barrier to entry in the commercial publishing world. I find that extremely challenging and I am well up for it!!

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Monday, February 01, 2010 2 comments

If you are in a relationship that has to be a secret, don’t be in it: Part 2

February 20, 2010
How we managed to keep it all a secret still amazes me. I think alot of it is to do with both living far from where we worked. Plus he ran the department he worked in, so was able to manipulate situations to his advantage, arrange meetings in the London office or suggest suppliers needed to see my business – an excuse for a night away in a hotel, usually the Holiday Inn Ealing.
We never talked about the future, apart from him suggesting one evening that he could always move into my house if his wife found out! I made it very clear to him that if he ever left his wife it would not be to be with me – it would be because their marriage was over. There is a distinct difference and leaving one relationship for another will never provide the right foundations for that new relationship. Hence the title for this section, no one else could know, that should have screamed out to me that it shouldn’t be! Well we all live and learn.
So life did move on and we did end up together. It’s funny but none of it, as far as I recall was planned between us, it just happened. We muddled along, really well actually. We had a great relationship and carved out a carefree relationship with each other. We were happy.
Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Thursday, January 28, 2010 0

If you are in a relationship that has to be a secret – don’t be in it. Part 1

February 20, 2010
I have been prompted by lots of people (my thanks to you all) for more about the content of the book. The juicy stuff!! I have to say that the blog is supposed to generate interest in the journey to publication, so I do not want to give too much away; however I think that it would be relevant at this time to point people in the right direction.

The thrill of someone chasing you can become addictive. That constant swirly feeling in your stomach that you get when you know someone fancies you; the tingle when a text comes through; the shiver of delight when you know they are thinking about you can be hedonistic. Anything else becomes secondary any nagging doubts or concerns that prick at your conscience become side lined as you allow yourself to get swallowed up the swell of the situation. It has to be said women are particularly good at this. Our thought process demands that we analyse each and every little nuance, until it becomes a real thing and takes you further into the abyss of a forbidden relationship. Your ability to believe the excuses and the tales of woe about their home life become instinctive. Your desire to nurture and make it all better are all consuming. The fact that someone is risking said home life is a huge compliment and a massive boost to the ego. For those of us whose ego needs boosting regularly, this becomes drug like – you crave it and will manipulate any situation to make it happen.

He was known as a spin doctor at work. We both worked for a large brewer / pub company with regionalised offices. It was a very sociable environment. Most people went out after work and we spent many hours doing competitor visits! He had a reputation for sleeping around. (I tried thinking of a better way of putting it but it was what it was). Hailed as a hero by most of the men and a cad by most of the women in the company, he was very good at playing the political games necessary in such a large organisation. I was a bit of a novelty in those days, I was an area manager running pretty tough community pubs – Oh and I was a female (still am!). I was also pretty vocal in my views of other departments and support functions, who (as far as I could see) were doing their utmost to make the operators lives difficult. As an aside, one of my biggest learning curves was how to become much more constructive in my comments and pick the right time to discuss them! However it was that vocalness which got me into trouble in the first place. My boss (or gaffer as I will always fondly remember him as), sent me on a marketing day, where the operators were asked to give their view on the marketing department, which at the time he ran. Lets just say I had little regard for the colouring in department at that time and made it known. I kinda stood out too as I had white blond hair and a bright purple suit on!! Apparently that was when he first noticed me! Stupid is as stupid does!! Should have kept my mouth shut and worn black!

Anyway, he then engineered several situations that meant we would meet again and have to spend time together – and so it started. He was persistent and full credit to him. Having no self confidence in my ability to attract the opposite sex, he had to be. I still cant tell you if a bloke fancies me or not! Put me in a room in front of the toughest business people in the world and I’ll convince them to my way of thinking; put me in front of a load of blokes who fancy me – not a clue – completely naive. Apparently that was part of the initial appeal, now that I don’t think I can blame myself for.

So to the tales of woe. He lived very far north and was married to someone whose family lived around the corner and interfered regularly; was totally regimented in their application of household chores; wanted to do the same things at the same time every weekend; was 10 years older than him; didn’t want to move outside of that small area; was deliberately argumentative; derided him about his capability… I could go on. Needless to say I believed it all. If it was all true then I had nothing to feel guilty about – there was no relationship to ruin, it was already ruined. It still astounds me what the human mind is prepared to believe as the absolute truth in order to take away any potential feelings which may make them uncomfortable or even initiate some guilt (note to CJK). Again (and my apologies to my own sex) women are dammed good at this. We have an innate ability to turn things around in our heads to ensure that we can justify our actions to ourselves, others and ourselves again in order to assuage any level of challenge to what we want to happen. We are able to manipulate men into doing exactly what we want them to do, particularly if they are in a situation that they do not want to resolve because it is too difficult or challenging to their egos. We know exactly what we are doing and do it very well.

To keep to the juicy bit – we started an affair and it was fantastic. No one at work knew (which was a bloody miracle in those days) and we slotted into an easy routine. My house or London during the week, he went back to his home life on the weekend. Unless he could wangle some tickets for a rugby game from suppliers – then happy days!! Even then we still managed to keep it a secret. Although 2 large adults in a single bed is very uncomfortable. I must just mention the passing out incident, because I can now and the other lads involved will get a good laugh from this (note to self make sure you send them the link to this blog). He was invited to bring some company people to full hospitality at Bath RFC courtesy of Blackthorn cider for one of their big games. Dave L and Dave B amongst others came too. We all met to travel there and started a great day. Too much cider (&whiskey was drunk in the daytime) so by the time we went out we were all out of it (not even merry!). A fabulous night out was had by all of us. We managed to slip away about 1am and stood dutifully at the taxi rank (Bath has very few taxis!) for over 45mins, constantly on the look out for someone who might see us! Got in the taxi and gave the driver the name to the hotel – to which he replied “You sure mate?” – promptly drove around the corner and put his hand out for £5!! Giggling we ended up in my room, where he clambered on top of me in that oh so lovely drunken manner that men have and passed out! I was completely stuck – trying to move 15stone dead weight is impossible. However I could reach the phone – but couldn’t call anyone for help, because no one was allowed to know!! Spent a very uncomfortable night. There was also an incident with Dave B ringing his lovely now wife Nicky about blood on his shirt at 3am……..? But least said on that one.
I have deliberately not put any exact dates here as there are still some people out there who will be very hurt to realise that actual timings are not what they were eventually told. I am not out to hurt anyone, there has been enough of that thrown me already, I don’t need to dish out any to others.

And so now you know a bit, and next blog you’ll know a bit more. To summarise he was married when we met! Kind of sets the scene.
Keep reading!!

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Wednesday, January 27, 2010 0

Timing is everything!

February 20, 2010
I am supposed to have put together a critical path to launch today, but there is so much to consider and so much that is currently undecided. I am using a tried and tested worksheet that Juin (you know who you arexx!) put together for us when we were running all the bars at Gay Pride in Finsbury Park. It’s simple in its construction, but ensures every angle is covered. I thought I would look up the definition of a Critical Path and am very glad I am following Juins simple yet effective structure!!

The essential technique for using CPM is to construct a model of the project that includes the following:

1. A list of all activities required to complete the project (typically categorized within a work breakdown structure),
2. The time (duration) that each activity will take to completion, and
3. The dependencies between the activities

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_path_method

Frankly I would spend more time working out the definitions of 1-3 than actually filling the dam thing in. Plus there is no flexibility for updates as you progress forwards, alterations if you don’t hit the critical dates or space for more information that the box will take! It’s at times like these that I wish for the old days. Juin and I worked together for 3 glorious years in London, whilst I was running gay pubs, cabaret bars and nighclubs all over the country. That was the time when I met one of the characters in my book London became a very convenient place to do business! But I digress. Juin and I worked together fantastically well, mainly because she had an astounding ability to follow behind me making sure the debris and dust was cleared away efficiently and without offending too many people. Without her my sanity would have been lost in an office world that was depressing at best and wrist slashing at worst. I spent most of my time in the bars and was privileged in the people I worked with. Their professionalism and dedication to customer service was second to none. Standards, controls were taken as read. The downside being that the hedonistic nature of the business meant that if something went wrong it was massive – requiring a complete disaster recovery (hence the initial use of a critical path) that would involve the press, shareholders, board presentations, community meetings, employment officers etc etc. Juin was my rock, without her unending support we would never have had the success that we did. I miss working with her and with those business managers who made it all happen at the front line.
Since those days I’ve used a CP (abbreviations makes me feel like I know what I’m talking about!) in every job I’ve been in. Maybe I should have used one in my personal life too – although that may have meant I would not be here writing this blog ………? It is way of making sure you achieve your target over a set period of time. My advice though is to not put dates on it, label week one day one – it makes managing it so much simpler. Put dates on it, once it starts, by all means, but not when putting it all together. As I’m pushing for about 8 weeks to launch, it is starting to fill up pretty quickly. However I can’t complete it until tomorrow when I start working through the edits with Mark and a very trusted friend who has made some really constructive comments already. I am still amazed everyday at how supportive and honest my friends and family have been. Do I deserve it ? I really hope.

So onwards with the critical path, and the quest for a definitive decision on self publication or not.

Shall I follow the recommended process and accept what people say about what you can and cannot achieve in this market?
If your answer is “Yes” you do not know we very well!!
Onwards!!!

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Tuesday, January 26, 2010 0 comments

Progress ….. sort of!

February 20, 2010
Last week I spent alot of time researching into how to self publish a book. The logic was simple really, it makes a great story. Pick yourself up, write the story, market it and publish it yourself. From a PR point of view there are some real advantages. It makes the story complete and lends the potential market to further admire your achievement. However the web debate on the pretentiousness of self publication is fascinating.

There are several arguments for and against self-publishing, but the strongest and most often stated reason against this option is; “all self-publishing is an untalented person’s way of getting their scribblings into print at an extortionate price.”

http://www.selfpublishing.co.uk/why_self_publish.html

If I am to self publish does that mean that I am untalented? Not able to convince a publisher myself? The story is not worth their while? I really hope that the answer to all those questions is a resounding “No” however I’ll only really know if I test the market?

I have been in touch with several options for this route to market. They all require an outlay of approx £900 for varying levels of service. The challenge comes if you want more than 200 pages of black and white script and a colour cover. For example, I will be printing pictures in mine – that is an added complication that seems to increase the cost / book significantly. I may also have more than 200 pages, which throws the whole set up into disarray. I have spoken to an American (I think!) automated system that asked me standard questions, but couldn’t understand my responses as I was laughing so much, through to a really helpful, patient and informative person called “Ruth” in the self publishing department above. They are really worth a call, or at least a visit to their website. They have a comprehensive package and offer additional services which will add value to the process. Ruth was extremely helpful, particularly towards a numpty like myself, and I left the phone call with a really clear understanding of the process, enough so that I could relay it all to my writing partner so he could understand it!!
For a standard package you get:-
1. A complete book (colour cover, layout and 200 pages of black and white script)
2. 5 free copies of said book
3. A listing with Amazon for 1 year
4. ISBN number and British Library listing
5. Wholesale distribution through Gardners, Bertram and Neilson (the only distribution people in the UK)
6. The ability to re-order the book, 1 copy at a time

This whole package is comprehensive, well thought out and actually makes sense – however it is fraught with challenges, if you are looking for the book to be more successful that a few hundred copies.

1. You can choose one of their recommended covers or design your own, within their requirements.
2. Fabulous
3. If someone orders your book from Amazon, it becomes a “print on demand” option which means £3.20 per book at print cost price. You then have to add the listing fee (40%) and postage to that cost. At a selling price of £5.99 there is not much left over.
4. Has to be done so great addition to package.
5. But that listing does not mean they will hold stock for you. Again you are back to print on demand scenario.
6. The whole print on demand thing again!

So the challenge now is to work out how to reduce the print cost per book. The listing fee will be the same whichever route you take. If you decide to order anything more than 500 copies of the book, they will be able to reduce the print price per book (economies of scale). However these will need to be delivered to one place (ie my house!) and then I would have to take over the distribution of them. Visions on me with a boot full of boxes turning up at my local Waterstones, sprang to mind. Not a good plan and will not drive the volume I’m looking for! Nor does it conjure up the professional image I would want to portray.
If I take this book to market I am determined that it will be done professionally and will deliver the book immediately to the customer. Messing people around will not portray the right message nor will convince them of my capability. This book has taken alot of time and energy, it represents me and I’ll be dammed if the distribution of it will have a negative impact on my reputation.
The other thought I’ve had is that, if I start by only publishing a couple of hundred books, what does that day about my confidence of success? If I am so convinced that this book will sell and people will be interested (astounded and gob smacked) by the story then should I not have courage in my conviction and really go for it?

Plus a well established publishing house will have all the contacts, networks and media to publicise as effectively as possible. Is that not the easiest, most effective and logical route? I have yet to research that option in quite so much detail, but am beginning to think that it will be the best potential route to market.
Publishing is a new and intriguing business world that I am only scratching the surface of so far. The nuances of how business is done and how to be successful within it are slightly irritating, fascinating and proving to be a real challenge to me.

Bring it on!!

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Monday, January 25, 2010 0 comments

A change of attitude!

February 20, 2010
I have spent many hours thinking through the potential impact on others due to the publication of this book. Consequently I have taken the time to discuss this with many people, listening to their questions and taking on board their views or concerns. I have many wonderful friends who have been there for me, above and beyond, and their opinions and views are vitally important to me. I will and always have, respect their wishes and will do anything to try and accommodate them. They are respectful and appreciative of the fact that that I have taken the time to speak with them and not gone blindly ahead with no regard for their concerns. My family, who are just as supportive and constantly amaze me with their acceptance, have also had questions, slightly different in content and from a different perspective; valuable none the less. At no time has anyone charged in with completely selfish demands alongside an absolute presumption that I am doing this to damage others. Until this weekend.

I won’t (and never will) deny that at some point my motives for this book were driven by revenge. But only towards those who were responsible, not those on the periphery who were place in a highly unpalatable and distasteful position. I also found writing cathartic, (as was and still is talking!), it made things seem real and put some logic behind them. I have had to go through all the different motives and ensure that the right one is now the primary driver in publishing this book. If it becomes about revenge, then it becomes a tit for tat, there is no purpose and it becomes tabloid fodder. Tasteless and tomorrows chip papers. I am doing this to help others, support them, give them a sense of purpose. My plan is to take it further (later blogs will reveal all!) To me there now is some real value in what I am doing. 18 months ago, probably not.

In summary, (I don’t want to dwell on it) I did someone the courtesy of discussing the publication of my book. Someone I owed nothing to, who in-fact has treated me with disdain throughout the last 2 years. Pretending to be there for someone and then taking it away from them is so much harsher than just being honest in the first place. Instead of doing me the courtesy of discussing any potential issues they had and coming to an agreeable resolution; their immediate presumption was that I was out to hurt them and their family. Made their thoughts very clear in writing with no apology for the aggressive an unnecessary position they had taken.
The reason for mentioning this is simple; 18 months ago I would have been distraught at that action, very upset and would have blamed myself for their reaction to me; now I have moved on (a recurrent theme in the book), I am not inclined to believe their actions are my fault, nor that they are motivated against me. Merely that they are not able to think things through reasonably and logically and are not prepared to think other people are motivated by different things than themselves.

Disappointed, yes : Unexpected, no : Make a difference, not likely!!

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Monday, January 25, 2010 0 comments
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What makes a readable story?

February 20, 2010
There is no correct answer to the question I suspect and I will not provide panacea to all. However I have researched as much as I can, I love the internet, and the key seems to be a story people (ie the readers) talk about. They need a hook, something to ask “You’ll never believe what happened to……. in this book” or something similar. Word of mouth is the most powerful marketing tool there is particularly when you are trying to pursuade people to spend their money. Rightly so, they take convincing – want value for money.
The key to generate the vibe – people talking – is social networking! You need to link you twitter feed to your blog which updates your facebook group or status or is that the other way around? I’m banking on people telling people – the fact that my story is quite incredulous and makes great hairdresser gossip, has generated some self- confidence that people will buy it but I still need more.
My logical business brain says that in order to make the story readable you need to define and understand your target market. Ive thought and talked that through in my head and with others – I dont know who wouldnt want to read it? Even those who star in it, will have a level of mordbid curiosity that will demand they scan it at least.
Although I do not want it to be forgetable. One of these books you read, because you dont want to have to think too much. People have to be amazed at the story and tell others.

There is real purpose to writing and publishing this; to enable others to get through whatever it is that life is throwing at them; to find humour in even the darkest corners of the duvet; to make money and improve the life that I now find I have; provide a stable and supportive future for my son; to thank all those who have been constantly at my side supporting, hugging, wiping away tears, taking away the chocolate cake! providing the chocolate cake, listening to me go on and on… etc; and I will admit there is a small part of me that smiles at the thought of retribution (but thats only a minor part I promise!)

So, in my view, the story will be readable but probably more importantly, a story people will talk about (I hope!)

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Wednesday, January 20, 2010 0 comments