If you are in a relationship that has to be a secret – don’t be in it. Part 1

I have been prompted by lots of people (my thanks to you all) for more about the content of the book. The juicy stuff!! I have to say that the blog is supposed to generate interest in the journey to publication, so I do not want to give too much away; however I think that it would be relevant at this time to point people in the right direction.

The thrill of someone chasing you can become addictive. That constant swirly feeling in your stomach that you get when you know someone fancies you; the tingle when a text comes through; the shiver of delight when you know they are thinking about you can be hedonistic. Anything else becomes secondary any nagging doubts or concerns that prick at your conscience become side lined as you allow yourself to get swallowed up the swell of the situation. It has to be said women are particularly good at this. Our thought process demands that we analyse each and every little nuance, until it becomes a real thing and takes you further into the abyss of a forbidden relationship. Your ability to believe the excuses and the tales of woe about their home life become instinctive. Your desire to nurture and make it all better are all consuming. The fact that someone is risking said home life is a huge compliment and a massive boost to the ego. For those of us whose ego needs boosting regularly, this becomes drug like – you crave it and will manipulate any situation to make it happen.

He was known as a spin doctor at work. We both worked for a large brewer / pub company with regionalised offices. It was a very sociable environment. Most people went out after work and we spent many hours doing competitor visits! He had a reputation for sleeping around. (I tried thinking of a better way of putting it but it was what it was). Hailed as a hero by most of the men and a cad by most of the women in the company, he was very good at playing the political games necessary in such a large organisation. I was a bit of a novelty in those days, I was an area manager running pretty tough community pubs – Oh and I was a female (still am!). I was also pretty vocal in my views of other departments and support functions, who (as far as I could see) were doing their utmost to make the operators lives difficult. As an aside, one of my biggest learning curves was how to become much more constructive in my comments and pick the right time to discuss them! However it was that vocalness which got me into trouble in the first place. My boss (or gaffer as I will always fondly remember him as), sent me on a marketing day, where the operators were asked to give their view on the marketing department, which at the time he ran. Lets just say I had little regard for the colouring in department at that time and made it known. I kinda stood out too as I had white blond hair and a bright purple suit on!! Apparently that was when he first noticed me! Stupid is as stupid does!! Should have kept my mouth shut and worn black!

Anyway, he then engineered several situations that meant we would meet again and have to spend time together – and so it started. He was persistent and full credit to him. Having no self confidence in my ability to attract the opposite sex, he had to be. I still cant tell you if a bloke fancies me or not! Put me in a room in front of the toughest business people in the world and I’ll convince them to my way of thinking; put me in front of a load of blokes who fancy me – not a clue – completely naive. Apparently that was part of the initial appeal, now that I don’t think I can blame myself for.

So to the tales of woe. He lived very far north and was married to someone whose family lived around the corner and interfered regularly; was totally regimented in their application of household chores; wanted to do the same things at the same time every weekend; was 10 years older than him; didn’t want to move outside of that small area; was deliberately argumentative; derided him about his capability… I could go on. Needless to say I believed it all. If it was all true then I had nothing to feel guilty about – there was no relationship to ruin, it was already ruined. It still astounds me what the human mind is prepared to believe as the absolute truth in order to take away any potential feelings which may make them uncomfortable or even initiate some guilt (note to CJK). Again (and my apologies to my own sex) women are dammed good at this. We have an innate ability to turn things around in our heads to ensure that we can justify our actions to ourselves, others and ourselves again in order to assuage any level of challenge to what we want to happen. We are able to manipulate men into doing exactly what we want them to do, particularly if they are in a situation that they do not want to resolve because it is too difficult or challenging to their egos. We know exactly what we are doing and do it very well.

To keep to the juicy bit – we started an affair and it was fantastic. No one at work knew (which was a bloody miracle in those days) and we slotted into an easy routine. My house or London during the week, he went back to his home life on the weekend. Unless he could wangle some tickets for a rugby game from suppliers – then happy days!! Even then we still managed to keep it a secret. Although 2 large adults in a single bed is very uncomfortable. I must just mention the passing out incident, because I can now and the other lads involved will get a good laugh from this (note to self make sure you send them the link to this blog). He was invited to bring some company people to full hospitality at Bath RFC courtesy of Blackthorn cider for one of their big games. Dave L and Dave B amongst others came too. We all met to travel there and started a great day. Too much cider (&whiskey was drunk in the daytime) so by the time we went out we were all out of it (not even merry!). A fabulous night out was had by all of us. We managed to slip away about 1am and stood dutifully at the taxi rank (Bath has very few taxis!) for over 45mins, constantly on the look out for someone who might see us! Got in the taxi and gave the driver the name to the hotel – to which he replied “You sure mate?” – promptly drove around the corner and put his hand out for £5!! Giggling we ended up in my room, where he clambered on top of me in that oh so lovely drunken manner that men have and passed out! I was completely stuck – trying to move 15stone dead weight is impossible. However I could reach the phone – but couldn’t call anyone for help, because no one was allowed to know!! Spent a very uncomfortable night. There was also an incident with Dave B ringing his lovely now wife Nicky about blood on his shirt at 3am……..? But least said on that one.
I have deliberately not put any exact dates here as there are still some people out there who will be very hurt to realise that actual timings are not what they were eventually told. I am not out to hurt anyone, there has been enough of that thrown me already, I don’t need to dish out any to others.

And so now you know a bit, and next blog you’ll know a bit more. To summarise he was married when we met! Kind of sets the scene.
Keep reading!!

Posted by bekidaviesduvet at Wednesday, January 27, 2010 0
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