Humour … its in there somewhere!

Looking back at the whole sorry sordid situation the best thing to come out of it all was laughter. I am now able to genuinely laugh at the things that happened; the comments that were made; the letters from solicitors; the accusations; the pure farce that ensued! I will readily admit that to start off with my laughter could have been defined as maniacal. I was desperate to find some humour in everything and anything  to just try and put some semblance of normality into life at that time. If you can laugh about it then it can’t be that bad, can it?

One of the first times I found something humerous in this horrendous mess, was suprisingly sat in my solicitors’ (the first one) office. She was chastising me as if I were a small child. Stating that I needed to be more agressive and take him for everything. My snivelling about being fair and protecting my son were met with derisory glances and raised eyebrows. He had done wrong and she was there to right that wrong, never mind the cost – financial or emotional. It suddenly hit me – she was relishing this, the complexity of such an unusual case and my ineptitude at dealing with it all. My insistence at prioritisng my son and not financial revenge infuriated her so she  patronised me and made me feel even more incompetent – but overall she was having fun.  My case was very unique, unusual in a court of law and she was having fun with it!  I burst out laughing. Not impressed, she continued, talking to me like an old fashioned teacher berating a child.  I realised I had to just move on, she was making things worse.  With tears streaming down my face, both laughter and hurt, I walked out and terminated my employ of her. You live and learn, but her website will not be on my list of recommendations!

Humour, I find is a great leveler. For all walks of life, colours, creeds and class. A good belly laugh has brought me out from the darkest of places. The key to it working, is making it genuine. A forced laugh is painful and the humour becomes irritating at best. People are able to convince themselves of whatever they want to believe is true, mainly to maintain a facade or protect their reputation. The wonderfulness of humour is that it removes all of that and starts everyone from the same level playing field.  I find myself laughing out loud at a lot more nowadays. In fact I did it today. Faced with my first pay packet for 13 months, I decided to try on (not buy just try) a smart work dress. Not one for dresses normally (due to awful legs, a scarred and swollen knee and large rear end) I ventured into LK Bennett. Bless the sales ladies. Straining at the seems, the lines across the front of the bright pink dress they convinced me to try resembled pre-cooked sausages which had been overstuffed. Poking out from the tight bottom were my unwaxed legs, which looked like fat tree trunks with hairy bark on them. Bright pink stilettos completed the outfit – in which I apparently looked “stunning” and “sophisticated”. My response was out loud laughter, followed by “Bless you ladies, but I look like 2 Starbursts squished on top of each other whilst sitting on a tree!” it was obviously a slow Sunday. Previously I could have been devastated by the reflection in the mirror, genuinely mortified by what I saw – but now I just smile at what I see and then laugh (followed by Starbucks and chocolate cake!). My mantra now is that I have been humiliated beyond recognition these past few years, there is nothing more that can humiliate me further.

There are parts of my story which genuinely read like a well written BBC comedy script. In fact , many times someone has said to me “You couldn’t write this!” I’ve also been told that my story would make a great Richard Curtis film – if you’re listening Mr Curtis, I’ve worked out who should take my part!! There is some proper farce. Picture a man, desperate to be attractive to someone he’s committed to as second choice,  going for pedicures and manicures, fake tans and facials prior to meeting with said someone. Now imagine a  4-year-old in all innocence commenting on why you look so orange Daddy, in front of the person he’s pretending he now doesn’t want to be with. Desperation and embarrassment written all over his face as he pulls nervously at his orange stained work shirt collar!!

Humour has gotten me through. It has also helped me support others through their challenges.  There is humour in everything, especially when there are 2 other people involved who have such incredible selfishness they can’t see past themselves, constantly stumbling into cras responses and ridiculous expectations.

Keep reading – it gets better, and funnier!!

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