Self Indulgent sympathy.

 

I’ve not blogged for a while. Lots of reasons, none worth sharing, but they did sap my energy and desire to put fingers to keyboard. I need to find a way to bash through the down times so that they don’t slow me down or make me question the long term plans that I have committed to. Realising your plans when it’s only you who has made them is very scary sometimes, particularly when those plans impact on a dependants’ life path. However you can get to the point where you are thinking too much – over analysis makes for a lack of determination. Questioning yourself is healthy and should be part of the process, but once decision is made, just get on with it. Regardless. Harsh, but survival requires it sometimes. When someone else then questions you, caustically comments, accuses or berates, you should immediately question their motives; but instinctively you question your own and start to back down. That shouldn’t happen, but it does, particularly when your self-confidence is at an all time low.  But hey, pick yourself up again and get on with it!!

I have also had a cold this last couple of days, which always makes me feel sorry for myself. I think it’s because you are neither ill nor well. Colds don’t make you poorly enough to justify doing nothing; however they do require more energy than you have to do anything. I also hate constantly blowing my nose which fills the tissue with green snot, that always flows over the outside of the tissue when you blow in front of someone else, never when you’re on your own.  The redness of your nose is constant, I give up replacing the lost foundation by about 9am otherwise I end up using a whole compact in a day!! It also seems to affect my hair! It goes all static and sticks out in ways I’ve never blow dried it.  Consequently any clothes I wear look terrible and you feel rubbish. Anyway enough of the cold, I was feeling pathetic yesterday. Being a Bank Holiday Monday and I was confined to the house for the 9 week old Dali, I allowed myself to indulge in the glory of having a cold. Repeats of reality on Sky (+ a remote), a duvet, peppermint tea, oil burner & Green & Blacks chocolate oat cookies I indulged.  And hence the idea for this blog. I watched a programme about a girl running a tattoo parlour in LA. Can’t remember the name, but she had her own shop, 4 staff (who were obviously great at their jobs), was being paid for the reality show and living in LA. Having never seen it before, I don’t know her history, but frankly how fortunate!! Anyway there was a section dedicated to her realising that she had to curb her partying ways and become a better boss, person and girlfriend. The programme and people then spent the next 40mins praising her amazing decision to stop parting and take her responsibilities seriously. Clips of her in real mental torment as the reality of making decisions sober became too much to bear. Decisions about what to wear, where to go and who to tattoo – very serious stuff. Suddenly I burst out laughing – maybe my life changing decisions weren’t that serious after all; maybe I should focus on the really important stuff and I’ll get a reality show or at least some recognition! Amazing how different life situations can affect different people in different ways. What on earth would happen if Miss Tattoo had to decide on something significant!

So my ramblings above are slightly morose and a bit self indulgent. But sod it, it’s Tuesday and I deserve some self- indulgent sympathy!

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